The Magic Window has closed

Well, that was quick.

Yesterday, she was a newborn.

Taking a nap while nestled on my chest.

Like a little kitten curled up in a cozy nook.

10 years later, she grabs my phone, shoves it in my face to unlock FaceID so that she can start her Spotify playlist.

Every proposed hang is met with, “Can I bring a friend?”

But it’s not as grim as it seems. Because now you can shoot down to Mexico in the middle of the week to do this:

khe surfing
This is not AI-generated.

Guilt-free.

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I traded the Deferred Life Plan for the Magic Window

When I first became a father, I made a promise to myself and my new family.

I didn’t want to miss the Magic Window.

“There’s a magical window – 8 to 12 years – during which you and your wife are their absolute favorite people in the world. They wait by the door for you to come home like a puppy. There’s no one on earth they’d rather be with. And then it’s gone. Now it doesn’t mean that they don’t love you as much. They still need you just as much. But the magical window is gone.”

And I made good on my pledge.

Over the past decade as a father, I missed 40 bed times total.

But that also meant, no surf trips.

I’m packing my bags

Now that the kids are in school and (somewhat) self-sufficient, a new window has opened.

Now when I go on these trips, people usually ask:

Is Lisa OK with this?

And if I’m honest, while we try to keep things quite “fair” in our marriage (to avoid resentment) it’s usually not as easy as “You get 5 days for Girls’ Trips. And I get 5 days for Surf Trips.”

Alas, if only it were that easy!

I wish I could say that there was a magic bullet here.

There’s def some guilt (on my end).

But Lisa and I also know that fairness isn’t the right metric.

It’s more along the lines of “Are we truly in a partnership here?”

Both at a logistics level. But more importantly at an emotional level.

Back to the surfing

I’m writing this from a cafe in Punta Minta, Mexico.

It’s a 4-day, 3-night trip.

We surf in the mornings for 2-3 hours, do some work in the afternoon and then have a more chill sunset session on our longboards.

I’ve also been sprinkling in some nice ideal parent meditation sessions (courtesy of my teacher, Jess Morey) – and even brought my new meditation bench in my carry-on.

(Goddamn, the relief it provides on my knees and hips.)

And when I’m not surfing or meditating – I’m watching The Wire for the first time. (Goddamn!)

Oh, and one thing that surprises folks about this trip – it’s cheap as hell.

All in, when you throw in some $1.50 fish tacos and a few margaritas it’s still under $1,000.

Life is lived in seasons

I don’t know what this next season of fatherhood will bring.

(My friend with teens recently shared, “Nowadays you’re dealing with drugs, sex, stabbings, muggings, vaping etc etc.”)

All I can say is Season 1 of fatherhood was amazing.

And I’m cautiously optimistic for Season 2.


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